Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

  Sometimes I wonder what the movie industry would become if it didn't have an endless supply of teen fantasy novels to act as screenplay material...

Directed By: Harald Zwart
Released: 2013
Staring: Lily Collins, Jamie Campbell Bower, Robert Sheehan, Adrian Turner, Kevin Zegers, Jemima West, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, & Lena Headey
Rated: PG-13,

  Vampires, werewolves, and witches; staples in Hollywood cinema are normally figureheads for Halloween themed horror flicks. From Max Sherck to Bela Lugosi, Lon Chaney Jr. and even Jack Nicholson, these actors are known for their roles within the supernatural realm. The classic era of Hollywood produced THEE images audiences associate with fantastical and horrific creatures. Looking The Wolfman and Frankenstein in particular, the monster's were terrifying yes, but sympathetic emotions were injected into the story and performances. I myself still want nothing more than to wrap my arms around poor Larry Talbot aka Lon Chaney Jr.and tell him everything will be alright.

Above: The sad and adorable Lon Chaney Jr. & the scary and irresistible Bela Lugosi
Bottom Lon Chaney Jr. & Evelyn Ankers in The Wolfman (1941) 

  March 40 some years in the future and the 80's resurrected horror and it would never be the same. The blood was redder, the girls were hotter, and the villains unforgiving. 80's horror has become it's own genre, generating  countless cult classic that today still have movie goers covering their eyes and jumping out of their seats. The image transformed from sympathetic beast to blood-lusting killer; directors and make-up artists pushed the envelope as well as the fake blood supply. 

David Naughton in American Werewolf in London (1981) 

Keifer Sutherland in The Lost Boys (1987)

  Horror, one of my favorite genres of film, has transformed medieval monsters of folk lore into house hold, revenue-generating assets. Transformation included the jump from horror to other genres; largely fantasy and even more surprisingly romance. Not to say furry monsters, scaly creatures, and charming blood-suckers haven't been the subject of their fair share of amour, just never to the extent of our modern film and more importantly modern literature. 

  New authors create their own rules within their own worlds, generating an endless flow of fresh material for Hollywood to manipulate and market.  I read both Bram Stoker's iconic vampire novel and Mary Shelley's Frankenstein before I finished 5th grade. I read the Twilight series in middle school and despised the film which lead me to question why and how I had enjoyed the books...final conclusion, I enjoyed them out of secret love I had (and still do) harbor for Bela Lugosi and Lon Chaney Jr. Despite the complete failure that was the entire franchise, I continually read fantasy, teen-romance series. While every other girl buried themselves in Nicholas Sparks, Sarah Dessen I attached myself to authors like Melisa Marr and Holly Black. Lots of fae fantasy...{note: J.K. Rowling & J.R.R Tolkien were my first a favorite as far as fantasy literature goes.} 

  But holy cats I need to get back to the movie in question

  Long story short, being a fan of fantasy/romance a friend suggested I check out The Mortal Instrument  series and I HAVE READ THE FIRST ONE, CITY OF BONES...that took much longer than it should have...apologies. The reason I wrote that 4 paragraph exposé was just to give you a little insight on the genre crossing that is so common in not only writing, but in film making. The majority, if not all of the dark fantasy romances with vampires, werewolves, witches, and now demons have come from the flood of cross genre, young adult novels that have captivated readers all over the world. Tolkien was the first, followed by Rowling to create a HUGELY successful franchise off of a fantasy series. It's only a matter of time until YOUR favorite series gets an adaption and you can love or loath how the film industry interprets it. 

FINALLY TO THE ACTUAL MOVIE REVIEW!

 I read City of Bones my junior year I believe and thought it was a solid enjoyable start to a series; I feel the same way about the film. That being said, had I not read the book (no matter how long ago it was) I think I may have been marginally confused by the film. I love vampires, werewolves, fae, and demon hunters so this series is right up my ally; however, for the average movie goer City of Bones may just be a jumbled piles of monsters, angels, demons, and young, angsty romance. 

  

 From what I remember of the book, all major plot points, action sequences, and back stories are present to provide a fun and thrilling movie going experience for audiences but that comes from someone who has read the books and understands that world in which it takes place. I don't know...I've heard mixed reactions from viewers... it IS easy to understand...it ISN'T easy to understand...As one who has read the book it's difficult to be objective. I'll do my best...

City of Bones flows nicely with well choreographed action sequences and features a relatively solid cast. 

  I say relatively solid because let's be honest, this is a young cast in an action/fantasy/romance film, I'm not expecting any Oscar worthy performances but most, save Godfrey Gao as Magnus Bane, were on character and correctly cast. For this reason I'm not going to dissect any of the main cast, just two of the supporting male characters.

  

  The first is Jared Harris as Hodge. His performance less than what I had expected primarily because there was less of his character than you'd think. Where WAS he? I honestly think the character of Hodge was present on screen for less than 10 minutes, making his character nothing more than a story telling device, leading to minimum to no audience connect and therefore reaction when something actually happens to his character. I felt a bit uncomfortable with his character, at first I attributed it to miscasting but the more I think about it that wasn't the problem. The problem was he was just NEVER in the film and was never give a strong character. Hodge is described as this great leader and he was reduced to a shivering coward...I feel screen writers could have done much more with his character, giving poor Jared Harris more to work with.

He does have a nice face...

  Next I want to discuss Jonathan Rhys Meyers...perpetually confusing as a human being, I've never come to a firm like or dislike of him as an actor. Is he fantastic? Not particularly. Is he dreadful? No. He just IS. Soulless seems the appropriate descriptive...Perhaps this is why I so enjoyed Rhys Meyers as Valentine. Soulless yet filled with emotion, is this too contradictory a statement? Well if it is you understand how I feel about him. He has these empty eyes...empty eyes filled with tears, a man totally consumed with power and passion it has destroyed him. Rhys Meyers will next be appearing as the title character in NBC's adaption of Dracula...So far I'm not necessarily thrilled about this BUT one must remember I felt the same way about Hannibal which has become one of my favorite network television series...only time will tell.

The special effects were nothing special...somewhat generic, but I thought they were used well when it came to the werewolf transformations and some of the fire demons featured near the end of the film.

As I wrote earlier, the action sequences were very well choreographed with various weapons and fighting methods used, it kept the fights interesting. I particularly enjoyed the battle with the Vampires. These are no Twilight, hopeless romantic vegetarians, they're an underground bloodsucking gang; taking prisoners and ensuring fear. In this series, the author has returned to the vampires natural core, evil and hungry. The make-up used made them appear a bit zombie-ish but I'll take ripped clothes and dirty skin over diamond sparkles any day. 

Adrian Turner sports some Sweeney Todd esque hair as alpha werewolf Luke

  The troop of werewolves are a bit generic and stereotypical...a bunch of scruffy, motorcycle driving, car fixing guys...but hey, Adrian Turner looked the part and was a good choice for the part. Also, let us rejoice that the werewolves weren't a click of young, hot, hairless teenage bros but older, rough and tough gents I can picture a hard hearted Lon Chaney Jr. joining...as long as he grew a beard. 

  The movie was not without it's corny bits but it's a teen based film so what can you expect...All in all I enjoyed watching City of Bones. It not exceptional, but I think they did quite well taking the source material and putting it on the big screen. It's no Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings and doesn't have the support like the Twilight fandom, but I feel badly that this film didn't do better. Earlier this summer I watched another fantasy teen romance series turned film franchise Beautiful Creatures. I hadn't read the books but my feeling toward that film were almost equal to City of Bones. Nice. I had a good time, I enjoyed it. Many, many critics say these films are "misfires", I disagree. They're just good enough to possibly make a sequel. I mean you have to consider the MATERIAL you're working with...

My final reaction to City of Bones, surprisingly positive.
 

Evil Dead & The Conjuring

This past week I jumped back on the adrenaline pumping wagon that is Horror movies.

  The horror genre is without a doubt one of my favorites. A couple of my favorite movies are horror films [The Shinning, Bram Stoker's Dracula '93, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari] That being said, it's in my opinion the hardest genre to do correctly and successfully.
  A great horror movie isn't just something that presents scary faces, ghosts and gross out moments, it's all about the feeling. A heavy lingering atmosphere is was accelerates an ok scary movie to a great horror film. The sensation of unease and primal wrench in your gut is what a great horror film should create; and not just through it's images. Music, camera angles, lighting are the biggest factors in creating that eery, haunting feeling. Last Friday I dragged my friends along to The Conjuring and was thrilled that after years and years, we have finally got a solid, no nonsense horror classic. But first....

  My review of The Evil Dead has the most hits out of any reviews on Miss Morgan At The Movies.
Now when I originally watched The Evil Dead I was quite terrified. I did not have a good time. BUT THAT'S WHY IT'S SUCH A GREAT HORRO MOVIE. It freaked me the hell out. And for that reason I did NOT want to check out what I thought would be the ultra-ultra-mega-super gross/violent/CGI filled reboot "Evil Dead", but by the end of the review I broke down and admitted I would probably end up seeing it with my friend and fellow cult film lover, Thomas Hacker whom I also watched and enjoyed The Evil Dead 2 with...no Army of Darkness yet...

Evil Dead

Directed By: Fede Alvarez
Released: 2013
Staring: Jane Levy, Shilo Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Lucas & Elizabeth Blackmore
Rated: R

  Oh The Evil Dead with it's undying horde of fans, spin offs and even a musical! It truly is a genre of it's own. Zombie-ish, Cabin Teen genre right? Right. Anyway...Evil Dead I can't say I watched this film completely untouched by the influence it's predecessors. I mean...having watched Evil Dead 1 & 2 and ultimately enjoying them both for what they are, I feel like I am apart of the fandom...I know what real fans of the series want and expect. And all I have to say is there are only two opinions for hardcore Evil Dead fans. Love and Hate.

Jane Levy get's in deep in Evil Dead (2013)

   Here's the first thing I must note. Evil Dead is NOT a remake. It's a new story, a new group of kids, but.....The car is there, the deer (anters) are there, the cutting off of the hand is there, vomiting blood in the mouth is there, the sawed off shotgun is there, the CHAINSAW IS THERE. It's ALL there. Evil Dead, to me, seemed to say "Hey! We respect the original, we love the original and guess what? All of that still happened! This is just 30 years after the fact" Repercussions, a loop in events almost. Think J.J. Abrams Star Trek (please don't kill me for that one) It has the same...stuff, but obviously has been modernized and doesn't contain some of the hoke that a low budget movie of the 80's was bound to have.

Jane Levy as Mia sits atop a familiar car in Evil Dead (2013)    

"Cut it, CUT IT!"
No turkey to carve, but plenty of rotting flesh
Evil Dead (2013)

    You have character that represent the past characters. At first Thomas and I kept asking "Where's Ash? WHERE THE HECK IS ASH!" But as the film went on we caught it...Ash has three letters in his name, Mia has 3 letters in her name...MIA IS ASH! And for me...it all worked. Once that hit me, the re-imagining with nods to the past, I sat back and let the references come. This is what I think will split the true fans...they'll either enjoy it for the clever, sometimes subtle sometimes not so subtle nods to the past, or they'll hate it for "shitting on the original" Whenever a film has such a passionate group of people behind it, someone is gonna get upset. I just really hope fans can and will enjoy it for what it is...don't try to make it into the new Evil Dead because it's not and nothing ever can be, but there's no reason why we can't all just sit around a burning cabin chanting the incantations of The Book of the Dead TOGETHER!

What I liked most about this new take was there was actually a plot line. The group taking Mia to the cabin to help her quit drugs is not only justification for them being there, but also ads a bit of psychological creepiness to it...the friends first think she's just hallucinating, it's gets worse blah, blah...but yes. I liked that part. BUT WHERE WAS BRUCE CAMPBELL? #LOLZ #ForeverBadass

Horror soundtracks are sometimes difficult because of drawn out pauses for effect and the screechy scratchy can get annoying and not particularly enjoyable to listen to, but Evil Dead composer Roque Baños did a fantastic job.
Crazy scary, fitting, and unique. Check out this track that accompanied the final scene. Sirens, Chanting, Piano it has it all.

  

Final Thoughts

1. Did I like it? -Honestly I have to say YES. It's gross. Horribly gross, but so was the original. And I'm sooo happy it's not just a remake with the exact same characters and plot line...it actually HAS a plot line now. I wasn't too thrilled with the ending...I won't tell you what happens but the end end did bring it down a couple notches...no sunshine...NO.
  -Also, MAKE-UP. They used REAL MAKE-UP, fluids, and PROSTHETICS. This is one of the reasons I think my expectations were surpassed. I truly thought majority of mutilations in the film would be done with CGI (it must die) BUT for the most part, it was REAL...well real make-up. LIKE THE ORIGINAL. I think I'll cry from happiness.

2. Would I recommend it? -Uhh...unless you are a fan of the original or ultra gore-horror I have to say no. For the average movie goer who wants a good ol' horror movie for a couple jumps and scares this is not the movie for you. It's just too much (as with the original) tree rape, blood vomit-in-mouth, razor blade tongue-cut, chainsaw motherf*cker dismemberment...I mean Thomas and I were laughing, and cheering but for the average person...No, I can not knowingly suggest this to my friends who are not gore-enthusiast.

  While it has it's fair share of scares, Evil Dead is without a doubt a gross out horror film. Created to scare it's viewers through blood, guts, and severed limbs. You'll be watching through your hands, but that's because of the mutilated bits of flesh and body parts flying across the screen...not from genuine suspense and scares...The Conjuring on the other hand proved to have all these kinds of scares and more!

The Conjuring

Directed by: James Wan

Released: 2013

Staring: Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Lili Taylor, Ron Livingston, Joey King & children ensamble.

Rated: R

  It's been quite a while since I actually went to the theater to see a horror movie; the last one I remeber was 1408 with my sister back in 2007! Besides mockumentary superstar Paranormal Activity, my generation is not one to flock to the theater in great throngs to catch the newest horror flick; however, smart and classic, The Conjuring might be just the film to change all of that.

  With it's trending on twitter almost every night since it's release on the 19th, The Conjuring is an undeniable hit with a sequel soon to come.
The Conjuring is laden with suspense and eye covering, jump out of your seat moments.

  The 70's and 80's were cinema's golden years as far as horror films go. They were everywhere and they were good. The Exorcist, The Shining, The Omen, Poltergeist, these are good old fashion horror films that terrified audiences and for good reason. They're not hokey (well the Exorcist might be now but back then it was horrifying) and they play on a level of psychological horror as much as physical.

I quite enjoyed Vera Farmiga as Lorraine Warren
The Conjuring (2013)

   Just as Evil Dead has has it's own (multiple) sub-genres, {Gore, Zombie, Devil/Demonic Possession ect.} The Conjuring is primarily a haunted house film. The Hunted House movie has to be one of my favorite sub-genres of horror. The Conjuring sticks to the atmosphere of the classics without becoming old and tiresome. A familiar story is refreshed by clever camera angles & tricks, and unexpected scares.

  The Conjuring tells the story of demonologist, ghost hunters, and married couple Ed and Lorraine Warren as they attempt to shed the Perron family of the ghosts who inhabit their home and torment their children.

So I when I wasn't cowering in my seat, I was admiring Patrick Wilson...He's kind of a fox...and as I whispered to Sarah "Him...nice butt"
Patrick Wilson (NOT Will Arnett) in The Conjuring (2013)

 While it starts a bit slow, The Conjuring develops into an epic of  engaging and spine tingling suspense.  The scares, as in any horror/ haunted house film start slowly, quietly and innocently then escalate to a scream inducing collage created by a creepy score, even creepier back story, and prime ghost effects.
  The special effects weren't over done or ridiculous, and when a certain character was possessed I was again thrilled that the scary visage appeared to be created by make-up and prosthetics...maybe Hollywood has been reading my blog!
 
  As I said before a great horror film isn't just in it's scary images and gross out moments, it's in the atmosphere; the feeling, and The Conjuring consistently carries that feeling of apprehension and dread. You really don't want to know where the clapping is coming from, you don't want to see what's reflected in the mirror, you don't want them to go in the basement, but at the same time you NEED to! THAT is exactly the uneasy feeling a horror film should generate for it's viewers. That is exactly what The Conjuring brings to the table in old school fashion. According to interviews directed James Wan stated that he modeled the "cinematography and atmosphere after vintage 1970's horror films" This was very evident in the title sequence...color, font, scrolling and all.

How can a font and color be so scary?

  For me one of the most horrifying parts of the film was something so small yet had a huge impact in the creating of an atmosphere full of terror and panic. Near the climax of the film, there is a scene where Ed Warren & Roger Perron are attempting the rescue Roger's wife Carolyn from the locked home after discovering it's her the demon spirit is after. The camera is situated behind the two men as they attempt to break open the front door and once the door is finally flung open there is this unholy sound that rushes out of the house and seemingly into the audience. It's simply part of the score, nothing the characters react to as the camera flies above, but as they charge into the house a blare of deep horns, and voices, engulf the audience as if all the tortured souls of that house are bleeding through the speakers.
...is that too dramatic of description? Well it had me sinking about 6 inches lower into my seat. I felt like my soul and just dropped into the pits of hell...at first I didn't even know if it was in the movie because it was sometime I had never experienced before in a film. Such perfect blending of camera work and musical score...utterly terrifying.
   Music by Joseph Bishara

We are NEVER playing the clap game.
Lili Taylor in The Conjuring (2013)

"Based on a True Story" as always is fabricated for film, but after some research it's been discover the house in which the Perron family lived did have quite the history. As far as the questioned credibility of the Warren's...They worked deeply in the Amityville Horror case which is alluded to in the end of the film and therefore a possibility for the sequel...to say their work was or wasn't real would force one to admit whether one does or does not believe in the supernatural, demons ect. Either way they were a  fascinating couple; both in real life and on screen.

  The Conjuring is not without it's flaws. Like I said, the first 20 minutes are a bit slow but pick up quickly. The recurring instance concerning the Annabelle doll was unnecessary. It was perfect for an opening and character introduction but not needed after that. I felt the same away when the Warren's daughter kept getting brought up. It seemed like something that was thrown into the script as an after thought and doesn't really do anything for the film except remind the audience that the Warren's have a daughter too...other than these minor flaws this was, without a doubt, the best horror movie I've seen in a very, very, long time.

Ok I could have gone without literally a ghost in sheets but I see what you were going for.
The Conjuring (2013)

Final Thoughts

1. Did I like it?
     -Yes. Yes. Yes. I am particularly particular about my horror movies and The Conjuring took the haunting and suspenseful vibe of the classics of the 70's & 80's and modernized it.

2. See it in Theaters or wait for DVD?
     -I say see it in THEATERS for sure! When was the last time you went to a horror film in theaters? I hadn't since 2007 and I had forgotten how fun it can be! That sound ridiculous, but when you watch a horror film with such a large group of people you have the chance to see how differently every reacts to  films like this. Some scream, some jump, some talk nervously throughout the who film, and other's just cover their faces completely. It was filmed in scope and really utilizes surround sound. Even though some may pass it off as "just a horror movie" I really think this is one to see NOW and in theaters!

The Wizard of Gore (2007)

I love B-camp, bloody, gory horror films, but honestly, what just happened? 

Directed by: Jeremy Kasten 

Released: 2007

Staring: Crisping Glover, Brad Dourif, lots of horrible unknown actors and strippers. No really, they are an actual group of strippers/porn stars...The Suicide Girls

Rating: R or Unrated 

......I wish I had a running sound bite for chirping crickets because that's the only thing I heard when I try to think of something logical to say about Wizard of Gore. The concept of the film was so promising and it's execution so dismally disappointing. And if you're wondering, yes this film was watched on my Crispin Glover viewing escapade...Sadly, not even Glover's creepy charms could save this horrific illusion of a "mind bending" horror rampage. 

Basic Synopsis...A downtown journalsist attends several shows featuring the magician Montag the Magnificent in a seedy, underground venue. During the show, the Wizard of Gore chooses a member of the female audience and appears to dismember their body on stage, but when the lights come up it is revealed as nothing more than an illusion. The following day the bodies of the girls are found murdered in very similar fashion to their on stage deaths. As journalist Edmund travels down the rabbit hole, he discovers that he has become more apart of this wonderland than he'd like. 

  Sounds like a solid outline for an interesting game of cat and mouse movie making right? This is just the problem...this script and the film makers don't keep to this solid story, instead they choose to trip themselves and the audience up on back stories, side stories, incomplete stories, past stories, present stories and any other type of added "story" you can imagine.

  We have a magician who is possibly using his show as a cover for his murderous urges yes? Yes. We also have the possibility that someone ELSE is using Montag's show as a cover for HIS murderous urges yes? Yes. Two, you have TWO great murder motifs that you could run with the whole film. Was it Montag or was it not Montag...Is someone else using his tricks as basis for their murder? If so who and if  so why? If it had just been left at that this movie could have been successful. 

  But no. We have to add in strippers, and drugs, and sex, and vietnam (just what?), and how Edmund knows absolutely everyone, and where he met his girlfriends and how he secretly gets off on beating women, and there is the escort service, and all the girls that are killed are apart of this escort service and how Edmund is involved with the murderers, perhaps HE is the murderer Oh my good, gracious father above, let's make him an UNRELIABLE CHARACTER  so we can JUSTIFY this whole movie NOT making sense or fitting together in the end!

  Ok!!! Now that that is out of my system I'll attempt to do and actual review. I know I usually go a bit deeper into story line and characters but honestly I just can't do it for this film. Why? Because I truthfully still do not know what happened at the end. I watched this movie from beginning to end and do not know who the ultimate killer was at the end. Too many would be killers turned into victims and and with a big part of the story being the use of this drug that can make people believe what you want them to believe, the viewers is in for a big disappointment if they expect to get any real closure with this film.

Is Edmund just being a good boyfriend and giving his girlfriend Maggie and message or is he hell bend on snapping her neck in two? I never figured it out. Kip Pardue & Bijou Phillips in The Wizard of Gore.

Characters and Setting- The main character of Edmund is just dull! Boring, uninteresting and poorly POORLY written. Any development that his character supposedly goes through is NOT well written or in that case performed by the incapable Kip Pardue. His character wanders around in 1940's garb living in a world that apparently "HE created" If Edmund really had collected such an interesting group of misfits to fill his surrounding habitat in, I would have liked to see more characters that mimic his 1940's style and attitude. You could have the squeaky blonde dame, the street wise, chain-smoking best friend who works in the morgue, a mysterious and sexy asian lady who works for the enemy. Is she spying is on him? Is she falling in love with him...just so many characters that hold that sleazy 1940's downtown crime style that the movie tries so hard to emulate but only does for ONE character. There is a Halloween scene at the beginning were a couple of characters are sporting some retro grab and I think if they would have carried that theme throughout the WHOLE movie it would have made it visually intriguing as well as add some continuity to the otherwise jumbled mess of odd characters. The downtown L.A. location is great for that old school crime thriller atmosphere and if the director would have chosen to extend this 1940's esque world that Edmund has apparently "surrounded" himself in it would have made much more sense for the character and the intended feel of the film.

OMG. I'm SO retro.

This gate is retro right?

We are not going to talk about Edmunds idiot of a girlfriend Maggie because I don't even want to go there and I don't believe I can without repeatedly swearing and confusing myself and you even more. Brad Dourif, a.k.a Grima Wormtonge to us Lord of the Rings fans, plays a...a doctor/vietnam vet/message therapist/ acupuncture/ drug dealer who we think is maybe, was, sort of not, could be friend of Edmund...I mean he helps him figure things out (because obviously stellar journalist sleuth can't do that on his own) and tells Edmund that he supplies the hallucination drug Treto Detoxin (?) to Montag who dispenses it throughout his audience by greeting each one at the theater door with a hand shake...mmm, slimy! Dourif's character almost makes sense in this film...I mean he's suppose to be a crazed war vet/drug dealer and I'm not going to lie, he plays that part well...gold start to the drug lord! ...who may or may not be the murderer and may or may not know who the killer is and may or may not be controlled by the drugs he distributed...you see how this movie works now?

I'm pretty sure these were the four main facial expressions I made throughout the film.
Sometimes pictures say so much more than words.
"Uh...wha?" "Oh mah Gosh!" "No GROOOSS!" And the end "WTF?"

  Uh...and now for the part that I really don't want to talk about but must...because Crispin Glover is the only reason I'm writing this review. 

  In this film...Crispin Glover is strange...and I don't mean like his regular, cute awkward intriguing strange...I mean like eh this part is so bad I'm just sorry you took this role and I don't want people to judge you for it because it's not your best work although you are the best actor in the movie and I wish you had more screen time and oh my gosh those are really tight white pants they have you in and I like your hair like that but oh my gosh why are you eating that squid intestine baby is that thing from Prometheus and is that the voice you use when you have sex because you basically sound like you're having sex throughout your entire stage performance and I kind of like it but not really because I'm actually quite terrified of you right now but not in a good way please just don't shove that florescent light down your throat again....and ya.

Umm...well I don't remember him actually EATING it in the movie...I though he just rips it out...

Glover's character Montag the Magnificent was written to be the cynical, psychological villain who messes with our minds and seems to justify each killing with an analogy for the lack of emotions humans posses and our desensitization to horror and gore (WHICH COULD HAVE BEEN A GREAT MOTIF FOR A GORE BASED HORROR FILM TO PLAY UPON...but no. We had to have strippers and drugs.) These could have been some great monologs for Glover to deliver except he uses this gasping, sexual voice when he's on stage as the illusionist. The only time we don't get this disturbing delivery is when he chooses the girl who will assist him in his demonstration of gore and debauchery. I believe "SIT DOWN BITCH! You die tonight." are the lines...interesting...I must say that things like screen play are not the actors fault...it's the screenwriters. Zach Chassler (according to IMDB) YOU die tonight. Or just please never write another screen play ever again. 

"Sit down bitch! You die tonight."
Crispin Glover as Montag the Magnificent...just crazy as hell. 

For as uncomfortable as Montag the Magnificent is, I do wish his character would have gotten more screen time. At least he's intriguing, amusing, and actually sensical believe it or not.  

On the plus side, Glover gets to use his Creepy Thin man sword training again! :D

  And that's all the farther I feel like I can go with this one...can't really recommend it for anyone unless you're a huge blood and gore horror fan, which I know there are a ton of people our there who love this movie. I watched solely for Crispin Glover and while I wasn't really disappointed with him, it was just the fact that I'll never get back the two hours I spent watching this movie...and even more tying to figure out who actually DONE it!  Concept I like. Production I hate.

P.S. I KNOW that this movie is based off of a Herschell Gordon Lewis slasher flick from the 70's, but as I said in my review for Willard I'm not a big fan of 70's film so I've left it alone and haven't checked it out. I thought the 2007 version might just be one of those bad remakes of a gory, horror classic but when I look on IMDB their ratings only differ by .3 Original Wizard of gore at 5.3 stars and the 2007 version at 5.0...so I figured the original can't be much better...especially if it was from the 70's. 

If you read the whole review wow and thanks a lots! I know it was kind of an odd one but I can't praise every movie I watch...this review was more of a subconscious train of thought.

  -Cheers! 

Frankenweenie

The story of a boy, his dog, and every classic horror movie reference imaginable. I loved it. 

Directed by: Tim Burton

Released: 2012

Staring: The voice talents of- Charlie Tahan, Catherine O'Hara, Martin Short, Martin Landau, & Winona Ryder.

Rated: PG

Times viewed: 1

The answer is yes. Yes I am one of those crazed, obsessed Tim Burton fans. Yes, I USUALLY love anything that has is name tied to it in any way, shape, or form...except for Dark Shadows, I'm still trying to forget Dark Shadows. That movie brings up an interesting point. Tim Burton used to be one of those Directors that did basically whatever the hell he felt like, not really concerned if it gained him commercial success or not; however, the past couple years have been, in my opinion, on and off for Burton. First of all Dark Shadows. I did, sort of, enjoy the movie (I'm just going to say, there will never be a Tim Burton film I will not enjoy, he's just ingrained too deeply in my cinematic roots), it was what Burton does well, dark macabre romance as well as comedy, then then last 20 or so minutes was complete..ugh..I don't even know...just BAD. Special effects were bad, story was bad, just BAD. Maybe it was just Chloe Moretz character turning into that sad excuse for a werewolf. Not sure, but at some point it went wrong. Then there was Alice in Wonderland. I loved Alice in Wonderland, but it felt more like a Burton imitation, or perhaps one of his produced films...not a project that was SOLEY his. Sometimes I feel like Disney has a yoke on Burton and doesn't let him express his crazy, beautiful, deadly worlds in full force. The movie I'm going to discuss in this post, Frankenweenie is a perfect example of this restrainment.
  The 2012 stop motion horror nostalgia flick, as many now know, is not the only Frankenweenie. In 1984, Tim Burton was working for Disney as an animator and had the chance to make his own short, live action film. The product, Frankenweenie resulted in the firing of Burton from Disney due to his "wasting" of their  resources. The film tested poorly with young children and was not released until after Burtons rise to fame in early/mid 90's. Typical, way to go Disney.
Come 2010/2011 Disney released Burton's hugely successful take on Alice in Wonderland. The film won 2 Ocars: Costuming (Colleen Atwood) and Art Direction (Karen O'Hera & Robert Stromberg) and is currently the 13th highest grossing film of all time. (world wide) With this HUGE commerical success as well as his cult following, I think this is when Disney decided they should stop trying to control Burton because let's face it, whatever he does will make major dollars.
At this point I envision Tim saying, "Hey Disney! Remember that short you fired me for making back in the 80's because it was too scary for kids? ...Before I was a world wide phenomenon? Yey I'm gonna make it AGAIN! And I'm gonna make it MY WAY! (more death, more monsters, more horror references, MORE MONEY!" ...and that's basically what happened...now that he's made them millions and MILLIONS of dollars Disney's removed Burton's collar and pretty much lets him do whatever the hell he wants. Even create a MONSTER!!

Sparky(Frankenweenie) Who could be afraid of that face? He is ADORABLE!

  For those of us who love the Classic Universal horror films of the 30s/40s this film is jam packed with all kinds of references, easter eggs, and the same beautiful high contrast black and white cinematography we loved from movies like Frankenstein/The Bride of Frankenstein, Dracula, The Invisible Man, The Wolfman, The Mummy, and The Creature from the Black Lagood. Having seen all of these films quite a few times, I found myself inwardly screaming "Oh my gosh! It's the same lighting they used on Boris Karloff's face! Vincent Price-like Character! Elsa Van Helsing, as in Van Helsing the vampire hunter!" ect. ect. #FilmGeekProbs There is even a GREMLINS reference in there if you're paying attention. Hint, just add water ;) 

  All the nostalgia references is without a doubt the a sizable reason I had such an exceptionally positive reaction to this film. Burton's original live action short is good, but the time limit didn't allow him to put in all those great, little details and characters that propel Frankenweenie from average animated movie to the ultimate Horror tribute film...Come to think of it, Burton should have made this film for Universal...they would have gotten a lot more out of it...especially with the re-release/restoration of 8 of their greatest Monster classics see HERE! If I had $100+ that set would be MINE...jumping trains and getting back on track now. 

"Frankenstein" is the name of the doctor who creates The Monster...the monster itself is not Frankenstein...it's just The Monster....incase you didn't know. Basic plot, Victor Frankenstein is a shy, quiet boy who lacks many friends, but possesses a fantasmic imagination and a passion for directing monster movies...huh, who does that sound like? His only real friend is his loyal dog Sparky, who is horribly killed after chasing a home run baseball into the street. *Note to all fathers, never force your child into joining a baseball team in return for your signature allowing him to participate in the science fair.* Asshole. Your child is a scientific protégée and you want him swinging at balls (he clearly does not want to) when he could be curing cancer, just to make friends? He has a dog, leave him alone!

Victor Frankenstein voiced by Charlie Tahan

.......Anyway......after the death of his best friend Victor receives a jolt of inspiration via his Vincent Price-like science teacher, and plans to bring Sparky back through means of electricity and SCIENCE!

Victor's "lab" set up is truly wonderful! In order to conduct the massive amounts of lightening generated by New Hollands nearly constant night storms, Victor utilizes his mothers pots and pans, the christmas reindeer, hair driers, bicycles, every appliance in the kitchen (including the toaster and blender)  and a swing set. These tools radiating with electricity and the resounding snaps and zaps illuminate the same Frankenstein we saw in James Whale's 1931 version. This scene is truly fantastic and heartbreaking as much of the film proves to be. Losing any pet is hard, especially when that pet is your best friend; I think so many people now a days forget how strong a bond between a human and a pet can become over the years. Frankenweenie reminds us, weather we want to or not, the pain of loosing that best friend as well as the desperation of wanting, needing them back. Kenneth Branagh portrayed this beautifully in his 1994 adaption of the classic, a plot line emitted from the 1931 production. The Monster in lonely despair, kills Frankenstein's new bride in order for the doctor to bring her back for himself (The Monster). In 2012, ABC's hit fantasy show "Once Upon A Time" also took on the theme of lost love and resurrection with it's own interpretation of Frankenstein. In the episode The Doctor, Frankenstein does not reanimate any old corpse, The Monster turns out to be that of his recently deceased brother. 

Not magic, but science. David Anders portrays Victor Frankenstein on this season's Halloween episode of Once Upon A Time 

Inevitably, Victor's secret is discovered and everyone wants a piece of his project. The things these children are will to do to win a science fair is quite terrifying....or perhaps it's just the children themselves who are (hilariously) terrifying. First to try to steal the secret is Edgar 'E' Gore. A hunchback little creep with an infinity for wringing his disproportioned, skeleton-like hands. You'd think that he (being Egore in a sense) and Victor would be friends right? Not really the case.

Edgar 'E' Gore voiced by Atticus Shepard

  As in any Tim Burton film, there must always be one fat boy in a stripped shirt. In Frankenweenie that boy is Bob, faithful friend but more like experimental subject of Toshiaki. The creepy asian who rivals Victor in scientific study and throws a mean curve ball. Not racist at all...

Bob. Voiced by Robert Capron

Toshiaki. Voiced by James Hiroyuki Liao

Next in the group of Victors..."Friends" is Nassor. Who basically IS Frankenstein's Monster. Quite obviously. I was a bit surprised they used this design for a competing character when it's very clear from the title and story that Victor is ...Victor Frankenstein and Sparky is "The Monster." Having a character inspired by another horror monster, say Dracula, would have added to the diversity of the characters and references. In the end it proved not to be a very big deal and the character was still very Monster-like.

Huge applause to Martin Short for voicing 3 different characters, Nessor included.

The ghostly "Weird Girl" and her cat Mr. Whiskers, to me, are the scariest things in Frankenweenie. Not only scary but quite funny. The girl reading Mr. Whiskers poop is hilarious and her freaked out face is reminiscent of The White Zombie or perhaps The Daughter of Dracula. Another great reference character. 

Again, cheers to Catherine O' Hara for voicing "Weird Girl" as well as 2 other characters. 

 The Final counterpart and possibly Victors only real friend not to mention possible love interest is Elsa Van Helsing. Not only is she VAN HELSING, Elsa is voiced by Winona freakin' Rider who hasn't worked with Burton since Edward Scissorhands. What's up with that!? Get back together! Elsa's poodle is fabulous not only because she, later in the film, sports some hot Bride of Frankenstein hair, but is also named Persephone. Greek demi godess wife of Hades lord of the underworld. Mythology spasm!

Elsa Van Helsing and Sparky's love Persephone.

  After discovering his secret to creating life beyond the grave, Victor's science fair competitors plan to electrify their own deceased pets and take first prize. This is were more classic horror monster madness ensues! All but Elsa resurect the likes of Shelly (a nod to Mary Shelly) the Godzilla like turtle, Nessor's dead hamster turned into the creeping incarnation of The Mummy...poor thing doesn't get far, The furry werewolf from Nightmare Before Christmas makes an appearance as Edgar's Wererat, and Bob creates an uncontrollable army of sea monkeys (Think Creature from the Black Lagoon meets Gremlins) Annnd the weird girl...well Mr. Whiskers is simultaniously incineracted and conjointed with the likes of a vampire bat. Creating......The emaciated version of Richard Roxburgh's Dracula from the 2004 film Van Helsing.

Well that's uncanny!

  Destroying these monsters one at a time leads to the 3rd tear inducing scene where, mirroring the 1931 flim, Victor is almost killed in a fiery windmill death. Sparky rescues him at his own cost. I'm NOT going to tell you weather the folks of New Holland find it in their hearts to save Sparky or if they choose to let him die; teaching Victor a lesson on life, death, loss, and love. Let me just tell you this scene had me BAWLING! Not just tear, tear, I mean rivers of salt water pouring onto my chest.

 I lost my own best friend when I was in 9th grade and let me tell you that was not easy. Indy had been there basically my whole life. We got her when she was a pup and I was two; we grew up together. She was beautiful, a black lab-huskey mix. She loved to be outside, hunting, running around on my neighbors porch when she wasn't suppose to, and being a ham! Just like Victor, I loved playing scenes with my dog. I would dress Indy up in the most ridiculous costumes and that poor dog put up with it! I wish I was at home because I have a whole album of photo shoots I did with her. I thought she would always be there, so when she got sick and had to be put down my freshman year I didn't take it very well. As I've said in previous posts, I didn't have many friends 5th-8th grade so I'd go home and talked to my dog. Sounds dumb but honesty, she was my best friend in my pre-teen years. Here are some pictures of Indy...I think should would have made a good Frankenweenie. She's got the color scheme and a bit of the creepy look.

Queen of the castle! Always watchful

Look at that face! What a beauty! 

Well, maybe not always...but she had personality! 

This was about a month or two before she died :( Even when she got really fat, and turned orange she was my favorite.

  Tim Burton has expressed in interviews that he wrote this story was because he himself lost a dog when he was younger and had problems coping. I believe this to be a big reason why the movie works so well emotionally. I mean let's face it, this basically IS Tim Burton loosing his dog and doing what couldn't be done. Heartbreaking and glorious.

  This movie was FANTASTIC! It was what Tim Burton does best. BEING TIM BURTON. By drawing inspiration from Hollywood's past, he creates a league of lovable misfits and their monsters. As there must be in all Disney movies, there are life lessons about love, loss, parents accepting their children, misunderstanding science and so on, but no to the point where it's overly cheesy and ridiculous. What else can I say? This is a MUST watch for children and adults of all ages. The older generation will love it for is humorous, accurate reference of the classics, and kids will love it because of it's ADORABLE leading dog and goofy characters. I can say some smaller children might be a bit off put by some of the monsters and the kids, but nothing a good rewatch can't solve.
  I truly PRAY this film ignites a whole new generation's interest and passion for those classic movies that have shaped horror movies, monsters, heroes, and villains into what they are today. Men like Burton, who hold true to the classics and attempt to bring them to light in darkly unoriginal days like this, continue to inspire me. And if that can be done through a "children's film, then bravo. Bravo sir. The greatest original creates spawn from somewhere, an ever evolving chain that links our present to our past. Corporations like Disney must be careful about the talents they choose to support or not support. A missed window of opportunity can change not only the future of cinema, but culture as a whole. Don't believe me? Think of Hot Topic, now imagine Hot Topic WITHOUT any Tim Burton merchandise. This is a small trivial example but to think that an entire sub group of pop culture has been created by ONE man's work is extraordinary.

Enjoying some Valentines chocolate with my own Sparky! ...And Johnny Depp? Well this is a Tim Burton post!